Just Give It Time

Hi everyone,

This post was meant to be posted yesterday, but since I didn't get time to write it due to a very busy day, I thought that I'd post it now.

Being in home for such a long time and in such terrible times had taken an impact on me too. If you are Hindu, you might be aware about a 13-day ritual ceremony which is to be performed by the family members of deceased. These are very tiring and takes a lot of effort. Nowadays I wake up at morning between 6 am -7 am.

Today is the 13th day since Badi Maa passed - the Terehwa. This day includes a Pooja and Ann-dan(food donating) to Pandits and lower caste people.

Though being a non believe of god and these superstitions, I kept quiet. Deep down, I was satisfied. I felt the ritual is laid down with some reason. A ritual that goes 13 day long, it keeps everyone busy. It helps keeping the mind off track by keeping you busy in some work which would make no sense otherwise. Think about it, if there were no ritual to follow what would you do? Would you cry and mourn over the loss of some one you loved for weeks and months? Or would you just continue your normal routine the next day?

Humans are sensitive beings. They need time to overcome the problems.

Well that's what I think.

Anyway, what I did today is not important. Cause all I did was to drove around the city to pick up and drop off people and stuff. Important is what I learned. Time is a unidirectional flowing river. A river which heals our wounds which life presents us so leniently. Fight with time, you'll be stuck in past and it will keep hurting you. Don't fight, all one has to do is to let go.

So, from today I'm letting go all the wrongs I've done until now. Think I've got it right this time. Wish you all a good night.

Show your support for India using hashflag #IND in #CWC15 on Twitter. Or just #PaintIndia. Best of luck to Indians for today's quarter final.

Somethings missing!!!

Hi everyone, I didn't plan to write today but today's events changed my decision. Nothing went according to what I had planned. On this auspicious day of "Holika Dahan" , the morning was not good for me nor for my family members in any way. Everyday, there is one of my FB friend who wishes me a Good Morning, but today she didn't. It's just pure coincidence, but still. At morning today, my 'Badi Maa' expired.

The plan for today was a road trip to Buxar with mummy, papa and bhaiya to meet my grandfather (Nana) who came to make his yearly visits of his hometown from USA. It's a 10 hour drive, so we left early before 8 am. Just after we crossed the city, the news came in. Dad got a call from Bade Papa. He was in Vellore, for treatment purpose of Badi Maa with his two sons. Third and eldest one was in Ranchi. All three of them are elders to me. When papa told us, we turned back.

Bade papa's family is a joint one. They were also three brothers. So when we reached their home, the only sound I could hear was of crying. Not the kind the childrens do, but an adult mature one. I was sad too, it also made me cry for the loss we just had. Early fifties is not the age to die. I don't know the exact reason for death, but there were lots of problem with her. Tuberculosis, heart disease, kidney problem, low hemoglobin and of course the side effects any illness causes. Till now I could only conclude that she suffered from only one at starting and rest of them were results of wrong treatment from the doc she used to go to over here in Ranchi. She was suffering on and off from some disease from last two years. The doctor here had given her the treatment for typhoid when she was a TB patient.

I feel, her death, our loss, was not only doctors fault, it was ours too. We should have consulted somewhere else too. Clearly, his treatment didn't remedy her. We should have gotten a second opinion. Even she was at fault. Many times when she were ill, like fever or weakness, she hid it. We would find out only after weeks sometimes months. It damaged her body internally. Not taking care of herself was one of her favorite hobby. Anyway, nothing matters now. Nothing can bring her back. I pray for her soul to rest in peace. Do pray if you'd like to.

The rest of the day was normal, every relative was informed. Badi Maa's daughter, who lived in Patna was informed. Actually only jijaji was informed. They reached Ranchi @ 8:30 in evening. I went to pick 'em up. Then I found out that he hadn't told Didi about her mom. I thought it was a right action on jijaji's part. I mean, how the hell is someone supposed to tell his life partner that her mom is no more. It's a very hard job.

The eldest son, Ashish bhaiya, hadn't eaten all day... He cried all day. At regular intervals tears found a way out of his eyes. I feel so bad for him. I don't know what to say to him. I'm also feeling numb not knowing what will happen tomorrow when bade papa and bhaiya will reach Ranchi with her body. I don't have anymore courage, I don't wanna see what happens tomorrow & I want the clock to stop ticking. Good night.

A Different Day, A Different Start!!!

Hello everyone, I am so soo sorry for being such an lazy ass. And for not being honest with myself. Though I say again and again that I will try and keep writing sooner, I don't. But with a positive attitude in mind, I'm here again.

So, everything is back to normal. At last my mind is at peace. I don't think of her anymore. What I mean by that is I don't attempt to call or text her. And the beautiful feeling is that I don't want to. It's been more than a month since I last talked to her. Anyway, enough of my boring and waste of time relationship with which I have been frustrating you all from months. And thanks for reading the useless stuff that I post.

Now I am concentrating on my college life, academics and sports. This year I've been selected in college football team. Infact yesterday was my first match against G.S. College, which unfortunately we lost.

I don't know why but lately. I feel life is getting fast. Time is passing by faster than before. So many things to do and such shortage of time. I think the right way would be shortlisting my work or better prioritising it. First of them would and sould be academics. For far too long I had ran away from books now I have to run after it. Ironic, isn't it?

My daily routine hasn't changed. Still I wake up late. But I have started exercising, though not on a daily basis.

There is some bad news too. My grandmother passed away recently on 16th this month. Pray for her soul if you'd like to.

Will write soon. Cheers to India on a fabulous win over Pakistan!!!

And one question for you guys - ' When was the last time when you slept while studying, leaving book on your chest? '. Comment your answer.

Looks like India #won'tgiveitback. :)
Congrats to India for grabbing the 'MAUKA' over South Africa!!! And thanks to Dhawan & Ashwin for such a awesome performance. 

A Very Important Day!!!

Best of luck to India #IndiavsPak.

Day Ninty - Nine

I'm not happy.  And this has been the condition since last 2 years. I've always chased happiness and one of the mistakes of my life was to decide to not have any regrets in my life. Now I've ended up with so many that I couldn't even count on fingers. I've become a faliure and my daydreams are getting more cheesy every consecutive day. All of this is because of "Sexy". My first love affair or relationship. Although she has done nothing but to drive me crazy,  I've chased her around like a fool, doing everything she wanted and taking care of her every like and dislike. I can't say that I had been the greatest partner there ever could be but I'm sure I did not deserve the treatment I have suffered since last year. She does not love me now. It's kinda funny how her feelings vanished due to some reasons.  I always thought that love is unconditional. No matter what may come.

I've become a pray of insomnia and restlessness due to my failed love life.  I'm unable to sleep at night. I can't even tell my family about all of this. They are not conservative but they won't accept it as she is Muslim. Even if they will there would be a lot of "society problem". And I can't do anything like this to my parents. That's why I hate living in India. The mere mindset here irritates me. Maybe the outside world is also the same but you know "grass is always greener on the other side".

I don't know what time is it right now, but its clearly past midnight. And though I had woken up early yesterday there is no sign of sleepiness. I have this one habit from childhood - to get the thing ehich I wanted. But this one girl has shown me that it is not possible. It is people like her who give true meaning to the word impossible. No, I'm not objectifying her. I know she is not a object but a person.

She always keeps me confused. Sometimes she says that she doesn't love me, other times she talks about no possible future due to different religions. Still she keeps coming back to me when I call her. She says its because she's polite and is unable to see me hurt because of her. What if I would have been hurt due to someone else, would then she be okay with it? I can't even dare to guess.

Anyway coming back to the point. I have failed. Not only in my love life but in academics too. Somehow I've turned into a person who blames everything going wrong in life on others. That's why I see her to be the reason for my failure. But that is so wrong, I have failed in my university exams cause I hadn't studied. Remember my childhood habit it comes with a, I don't know what to call it, thing maybe. I can't change my goals until I've completed previous one. Now that I wanted to spend my life with sexy,  which is impossible BTW, I'm unable to concentrate on my studies. It's not her fault, it is mine. I've been trying to move on since past 6 months but reaching nowhere. I'm still there where I was before. Hence I've made a entire step by step guide to get career oriented. I have to study cause I don't want to be stuck here forever.